Water, the Magic Potion!!

Encontré esto en una Web de un tío que hace acrobacias, y me pareció risas a la par que ilustrativo, así que lo cuelgo tal cual, que traducirlo todo es una matada y no queda tan elegante!!

Water is a magic potion, I swear it. It's also important because it's the preferred drink of HARDCORE people. Obviously being HARDCORE is a good thing. Note: The word HARDCORE must always be written in capital letters exclusively because it's very prestigious. In this article I'm going to explain to you it's secrets and magic properties. I can tell you honestly there was a point in my life when I could not drink it. Training yourself to drink water can be hard if you're spoiled on wimpy sugar drinks and equally wussy alternatives. Soft drinks are not HARDCORE. Hell, they can't be if they have the word soft in the name. They are for weak people. So I'll start by explaining the benefits of water and how it can aid in your tricking career. Then I'll share with you some ways to convert to a strict water consumer.

Let's start off with healthy fat loss. An active trickster and athlete will want to minimize his fat intake and body fat ratio for maximum performance. Fat is a great energy source of course, but we want to use that energy not store it. Too much stored fat adds useless weight, and if you have some rolls or paddy legs you're going to want to get rid of it for obvious reasons such as the following :

  • You're slow
  • You're fat
  • You're ugly
  • You're fat
  • You're slow
  • You suck
  • You're gay
  • You waste oxygen


  • You are definitely not HARDCORE!
A bottle of water

So if you are wanting to lose weight or use fat more efficiently for energy, water can do this. Water helps the body metabolize fat, but how? The kidneys can't function properly without enough water to filter them clean. They don't work to their full capacity when dirty or overloaded. Now, when the kidneys cannot finish all their work some of that load is dumped onto the liver. One of the liver's primary functions is to burn off stored fat into usable energy. The liver is one bad-ass organ, appreciate the fact that you have one. Anyway, when the liver has it's job and some of the kidney's work load then it can't do this to it's full potential. So overall, you metabolize less fat and weight loss stops if you don't get enough pure water. Another useful thing to know - Water naturally suppresses the appetite - You will not be as hungry for un-needed food if you drink ample amounts of it.

A picture of a toilet

Water also helps you use energy more efficiently as I've said. The way it does this is because water is PURE! It can help push substances such as waste and chemicals out of your system. Out with the old, in with the new! Also water can help your body absorb vitamins or nutrients more efficiently. Ever hear of the term Water soluble vitamin? Some vitamins can only be absorbed in your body with the aid of water. Any form of liquid can do this but water does this the best because it's pure as pure can be. Vitamin C for example is a water soluble vitamin.

Water helps your body stay cool when you work out. You sweat a lot when you work out; If you don't keep your body clean and cool you will become weak, dizzy, or dehydrated. Dehydration, if it grows to moderate or severe levels, can cause the following: Low blood pressure, fainting, convulsions, bloated stomach, fast and weak pulse, skin's loss of firmness, and heart failure. All that shit sucks, heart failure isn't cool. So when you workout you will have to drink a nice supply of fluids. The best bet is to combine water with an energy drink when you workout. Also, pour it all over yourself so you're all slick... Mr. Slick... Slick... :)

Water helps the body remove toxins. It's pure so it can absorb the junk inside your body and flush it out! Then you feel fresh and clean! YES! DESTROY THE CRAP STUCK IN MY SYSTEM! WIPE IT OUT!

Water helps you fight colds and other viruses. Combine water with an insane amount of antioxidants, laughter, and rest and you will totally ELIMINATE the disease in your body. It's also good for preventive measures!

Friends have told me that drinking an ass-load of water can help curb cravings for cigarettes! This is a really cool tip to try if you're trying to quit smoking.

Water will reduce overall water retention and bloat. For instance, your body always needs a balance of sodium and fluids. If you don't get enough sodium you will faint or feel incredibly dizzy. If you don't get enough water your skin retains the rare amounts of water it has making you Look and Feel thick and heavy, wearing you down and decreasing oxygen exchange in the lungs. So if you drink plenty of pure water, your system will regulate this back to normal; Making you feel slimmer, faster, and cleaner.

Lack of water is the #1 cause of daytime fatigue, causing you too feel sluggish and not ready to trick. Drink water and go kick ass!

Increased water intake hydrates your skin keeping it firm and healthy, transforming you into a stunning figure! YEAH!

A 2% drop in body water can trigger short-term memory loss which will make you stupid. You forget little things like your car keys, a date, or maybe you'll forget it's raining outside. Drink more and you will remember more, you'll be more focused and it will make you smarter. ^_^

Water drops cancer rates! Drinking just 5 glasses a day (8 ounces is one glass) decreases your risk of colon cancer by 45%, breast cancer by 79%, and cuts the risk of bladder cancer by 50%! Mwhahaaha!! Cancer is weak, I laugh in it's face! Cancer is no match for my HARDCORE lifestyle!

Water is a catabolic substance, meaning it actually takes your body energy to digest it and let it go through your system. You lose fat just from drinking it. A cool fact is the colder the water the more calories it burns. To keep your body in homeostasis (balanced function) it actually takes energy to keep your body warm as the cold water goes into your system. You burn 150 calories extra a day just from drinking 1 gallon of icy water.

Water lubricates your joints. Joint pain can decrease with increased water intake. Obviously joint pain is the anti-christ of a trickster...

Among the health benefits I have stated it's also less expensive and will save you money! It can be very cheap and can make all the difference in the world when you convert. Hell, a soda or Sobe beverage costs $1 or more for 20 ounces. Water is free! Just go out and drink from the hose in your backyard. Drinking from the hose is HARDCORE.

Me drinking from a hose

Now that we've touched the benefits of drinking water, we'll discuss how you can change your ways. Let's start with my own experiences.

When I was younger I was so addicted and accustomed to soda beverages and sugar drinks that I would gag from a single taste of pure water. When I came to mature into a person who valued health and exercise this was going to change, and it was a gradual process of becoming used to it's taste and feel.

Basically the best way to train yourself to like it is to start working out really hard. If you are visiting this web site you might want to learn tricks or condition yourself to be a better athlete. If you train hard I guarantee that taste won't matter to you much when you're gasping for air and collapsing on the ground from fatigue in whatever training you're doing. You lose liquids from intense activity, and trust me when you're this tired your body won't care what form of liquid you put in it. For me it was running. I ran 400 meter sprinting intervals as fast as I could and I pushed myself hard enough that I'd feel like throwing up after running. Do you think I cared that water was bland after doing that? Hell no, I'd just down the whole fucking bottle of water cause I couldn't really taste anything to begin with, I was too tired and thirsty it didn't matter to me.

So start training hard and drinking some water in combination with an energy drink during your training. When you've gotten used to that start adding water into some meals here and there. That's all there is to it! If you keep at it and stop drinking other stuff such as soda or high GI drinks on a normal basis your body will accustom itself to the blander liquid. Not to say those other formulations don't have their place in your diet, cause obviously you need a high glycemic carbohydrate drink post workout with fast proteins for reasons I'm not discussing here cause it would take me all day, but you should almost exclusively drink water overall. It even enhances the taste of a meal. Spaghetti tastes soooooo good with water because you don't have that glass of tea or coke sitting their taking the emphasis off the main course. Those other beverages are just sugar garbage that spoils your sense of taste with corruption. Definitely not HARDCORE...

Lastly how much water should you drink? Experts have for years stated that 8 glasses a day is enough for the standard individual. 8 glasses is 64 ounces. However, the average individual is not HARDCORE. HARDCORE people need a helluva lot more water! If you are one of those average people you can get your daily supply by drinking 4 (16) ounce bottles. If you're HARDCORE though you'll need to down the shit down like crazy because you'll be losing precious fluids tricking and tearing open street gang members with your bare hands on a daily basis. I hope you realize water intake can vary between the activity levels of individuals.

Once you convert you'll never go back. The feel is as incredible as the money you save! Be HARDCORE! Drink WATER!

8 comentarios:

  1. Eres un puto friki, chaval. Pero lo del creador de este escrito se lleva la palma. Está enfermo de verdad. A ver si se va a desmineralizar bebiendo tanta agua, y le van a meter geitoreid vía intravenosa, en contra de su voluntad y su HARDCORE lifestyle... juas juas.
    Puta creeeemaaaaaaa.

  2. y esto es lo mejor:
    All that shit sucks, heart failure isn't cool.

  3. Me ha encantado el artículo, Xabi.
    Renuevo los votos del compromiso de sentirme bien. A partir de mañana, con botella de agua en el bolso todo el tiempo!!

  4. Pero que coj***s? Yo llevo bebiendo entre 3 y 4 litros de agua al dia toda mi puta vida!! Leer este articulo solo me ha dado ganas de beber ginebra ginebra y mas ginebra.
    Un besazo a todos, nos vemos el sabado

  5. Yo creo que no pasaría nada por sustituir sibilinamente la palabra "water" por la palabra "beer"...


  6. Beber sin medida, cuanto más, mejor, según dice el artículo. Beber en todo lugar, a placer? Hacer un ejercicio consciente y voluntario para acostumbrarse a éste elemento, acostumbrarse a beber bastante y llegar a disfrutarlo, y no beber otra cosa? Entregarse a fondo, y observar los cambios que se dan en la vida fruto de esta decisión, y vivir feliz hasta el fin de tus días (sea antes o después)...?
    Cambiamos la palabra "WATER" por "BEER", entonces?
    Y "al carajo nuestros problemas, Nota"? Suena tentador...
    Tal vez perderíais los trabajos, los que los tengáis. Pero bueno, sería cosa de acostumbrarse al hecho, y vivir haciendo curros que encajen con nuestro nuevo perfil... Pasaríamos temporadas estupendas viviendo al aire libre (estupendas, sobre todo en verano, eso sí)... No dispondríamos de mucho efectivo; un problema menos! Seguro que se darían cambios interesantes en nuestros cuerpos,-a los que tendríamos que acostumbrarnos, y listo-. La birra es más cara que el agua del grifo, pero no más que el agua mineral; tampoco sería un problema grave (no creo que la salud nos aguantara mucho más que el tiempo en que nos fundiríamos las herencias bebiendo sólo birra). El tipo de entrenamiento que se adaptaría mejor para subir la demanda de birra de nuestro cuerpo tampoco sería menos duro que otros... Muchos paseos por acantilados juntos al mar, muchas siestas, muchas noches de charlas sin dormir... Adquiriríamos una forma física de acuerdo con nuestra elección, y nos sentiríamos a gusto pudiendo ingerir cada vez mayores cantidades por día, eh? Una maravilla! Estaríamos libres de la influencia negativa de la opinión pública: poco nos importaría que nos llamasen "Slow, fat, ugly", etc. Nos sentiríamos "diferentes", "especiales", "únicos"... reforzando nuestra convicción ante la incomprensión del mundo... No?
    Seríamos 100% Hardcore! Supongo que no pasaría nada por probarlo unos años...

    . .

  7. Yo bebo prácticamente sólo agua. Por supuesto bebo otras cosas y paso cuando toca por mis pedales y sus correspondientes resacas pero mi bebida por excelencia es el agua. La del grifo.
    Ya lo decía Bruce Lee: Be water my friend... y yo a los maestros siempre les he hecho caso ;-)

    Un saludo, chicos

    p.s. Anar, que he llegado :D

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